Checking In

Realised it's well over a week since I updated this wee thing so thought I'd post a wee hello message - so hello! :) I actually went to bed about an hour and a half ago, but I was on the phone for AGES and then I came online and now somebody is having a crisis and I'm playing the listening ear. Oh, the things we do, eh? All is good with me, I've been driving 2 whole weeks today and only had 4 near accidents which is impressive, all things considering, I think! This guy I go to school with passed his driving test a week before I did, and for a laugh he decided to stand behind my car whilst I reversed out,thinking I would check my mirrors - and irresponsibly I didn't and he came to about a centimetre of losing his foot. Taught him not to stand behind reversing cars and gave me such a big fright that I guess I needed before somebody actually did get hurt. It's a major responsibility and I've learnt more about driving in the past two weeks than I've learnt since I started 18 months ago. Last week this woman fully yelled at me and flashed her lights and was like making me feel totally stupid. I was so hurt I could have cried - I'd been driving 2 days - and I mean, I will NEVER ever do that to anyone cause it's such a horrible thing to do and so unnecessary.

What else is knew? We had the much anticipated and much requested "relationships" talk today at CU - so good because it hit on so many of the key areas people question about relationships. It was very good and I know loads of people were excited so it was good to see them so excited afterwards too - and it was nice to hear a teenage relationship talk that wasn't focused entirely on sex.

Right now, I guess I'm a little spiritually frustrated and fed up with God, and I don't know if I want to post it here for fear I might be burned on the stake as a heretic. I remember in September, the second week I was on the CU committee, I spoke about prayer and I said that I believe God was releasing a nation onto Belfast High, that now was the time and that we were gonna see miracles. Now, I leave school in ten weeks, and I could cry, because there is the biggest pile of potential sitting on their asses in one room and they won't get excited the way I was (maybe still am.) I've seen a billion tiny miracles this year, but not the "NOW IS THE TIME" miracle that I wanted - and it's crap. Part of me says I'm rushing God and that I need to trust and another part of me says that we need to wake up and do it - and I don't know what to do to make that a reality, in me or anybody else. I was meeting with a teacher today to have a wee chat about my TOM form for next year, and I'd written something about how I want to see people awaken to see that God is rising a chosen generation who are going to impact his world massively. She looked at me and said "How do you know God is rising this chosen generation? And how do I know that my generation isn't chosen instead?" I kinda just smiled at her, but it's a valid point. It would break my heart if when I'm fourty, some eighteen year old tells me that her generation is going to change the world...cause the way I feel right now, my response would have to be "well, mine could have but we were just too lazy."

I guess deep down I feel myself being pessimistic and I know I just need to trust that God is planting seeds even if we cant see the results. On the other hand, I just can't satisfy myself with that option. It's not enough....

Am I mad or just ungrateful?

xoxo